I'm looking at the box of Honey Smacks (Hasn't that gone through a few name changes?) I bought last night on a craving, meant only to be a snack cereal. Despite any claims of being a 'healthy breakfast', anything with sugar as the first ingredient can't be a good idea. I'm eating it anyway.

There was a message from the clinic saying they got my test results, and to call them back, which I got long after they were closed. Why can't they leave any useful information? Now I have to wait all weekend just to find out if they've found anything wrong with me.

The cashier has a Badtz Maru back pack! I am coveting her bag.

Karla's on vacation today, along with most of the office. She never actually told me she was going to be gone of course, but I had inferred it from her vacation request slip and looking at the vacation calendar. Luckily it's quite slow so my hands shouldn't be too hurt by the end of the day. The empty chair is sure refreshing though.

I think I'm cursed when it comes to shoes. My sandals from Mexico are starting to wear on top the heel. No problem, I thought, I'll just pick up another pair. But wait! Who's going to sell sandals when it's 80 degrees out!? At least I should be able to replace my boots that died last winter soon...

It's amazing what you can give away for free. I gave away a bag of random stuff from my bathroom (shower gel, vitamins, toothpaste) to someone through Freecycle. I'm still trying to get rid of the possessed printer, Kozmo, though. The person who was going to pick it up never showed.

Jason has a container of 400 grams of pure caffeine, sitting in the kitchen...

Berta and I went over to spy (with permission) on the neighbor's apartment. The neighbors have moved out and the landlady told us to go look and see how clean she expects it when we do as well. If she expects this apartment is going to look that good, she really is crazy! The next apartment looks like it's actually been taking care of, and I mean by management. There have been so many roommate cycles without a clean start that we have past dirt and damage to deal with from before either of us lived here, while they have a nice kitchen, nice bathrooms... I feel cheated now—what I thought was low rent for the area wasn't even worth it for that.

I never realized the real solution to my job is to be on Prozac too! "A campaign worker for President Bush (news - web sites) said on Thursday American workers unhappy with low-quality jobs should find new ones—or pop a Prozac to make themselves feel better."

Of course she said she was kidding later, so that makes it alright...

The mini-blog is being spammed... How annoying.

Karla must be off her medication again...

Making co-workers jealous with my salt eating abilities. (Not just allowed, but required to eat salt.) They are all of the age where you have to watch what you eat, whether you want to or not.

I'm desperately hoping my lab tests come back showing whatever is obviously wrong with me. As Andrew said this morning, if I can be cold in my 80 degree room, something is definitely wrong.

Some complaining, I guess, has an implied (if unintentional) 'it can't get any worse', enough at least that it must. Karla and I were at each other's throats because I punched in early after Outside Sales-Dave, with his 'the world will end if...' attitude, needed me to type something ASAP to go to Portland. But because of me there was no work, except that there was, especially after the special Karla-only orders started coming in.

I got laughed at when I said that getting my job done is more important than keeping her happy. I feel like I'm stuck in a twisted Dilbert world where having a work ethic (the thing my dad said he wished I had, as if he knew anything about me) isn't allowed.

I'm starting to give away as much of my stuff as I can on Freecycle, but I amuse myself with 'OFFERED: two dead tulips in a plastic pot'.

Speaking of strange email... I got one from an AOL address of just, "you still have friends if you choose to acknowledge them." I would've thought this strange spam but I have a suspicion who it came from. I like Andrew's response, "and you know you have friends... we talk to you all the time!"

Another 'best spam ever'...

Subject: Back to school special with enlargement pills xWi

Get a larger penis in late august


Break in your new penis before college starts. Introducing the newest technological advances in penile enhancement!

I could tell from the beginning that this would be one of those days that makes me want to kill myself by the time work is over. I got chewed out on paper first thing for getting a shipping date wrong. My fingers kept wanting to type '8' instead of '7' on Friday, yet no one along the line thought it strange that the order wasn't shipping for another month and it's all my fault that it missed two barges.

Payroll left a message at 6:30 in the morning which I answered at lunch. I was told I was overpaid for sick time I didn't have, an hour and a half that will be deducted from my next two paychecks, an hour and then the half. This is exactly what I need while trying to move.

The sorta good news, I should be getting my first credit card. I still dislike the very idea of credit cards, an invitation to go into debt, but when faced with a ramen budget for the near future, I can see a need. I went for a 'Starter Visa' given my lack of credit. At least being sick recently has cut my appetite.

Selina looks to have a job and should be fulfilling her role as my backup roommate. This just doesn't satisfy my need to know now, now, now what's going to happen so I can plan.

Just when everything was falling into place... Kitty's mom fell through, freaked out and declared she's not allowed to live with someone who's not also a UW student. I don't blame Kitty in any way—this just ruined both of our plans—but I'm back on the roommate search again.

This could get worse or better, depending if I find someone to move in sooner.

I really hope I'm doing the right thing. I'm going to be handing over a very large amount of money tonight to start renting the apartment on the first, by myself for now. Kitty won't be able to move in until halfway through September and it's not too late for things to fall through. It can't be too hard to find a roommate for a great apartment on Capitol Hill, right?

I did the math, and if absolutely necessary I can technically afford to pay for the entire apartment, minimal bills, and a Costco sized box of ramen. The next couple months are going to be like that regardless.

I ran into Gryphon on my way back from lunch. I've been surprised I never see him on Capitol Hill, now that he lives in the area, instead running into him by work. He walked me back to work, the whole time not knowing his shirt was in my back pack. Good thing it's summer. I am not giving that shirt up after this long!

Kermit told Karla and I that there was going to be a short meeting at 9:30... None of the bad things I was anticipating turned out to be true. Instead he was announcing Tina's promotion to clerical manager. I guess I have a new boss now.

Karla's latest trick is her morning stalling. She's sitting starting at the screen, or filing her nails, anything to prolong typing a handful of cash sale orders. She spent so long with just one left I finally asked her if something was wrong with it. She told me she's just trying to stretch the work out... yeah, right. She's really trying to cover for the fact that she left me less than ten out of thirty or so, thinking if she finishes after me I won't be able to tell. (Yes, I count.) She even took her 'half' over on her own, instead of leaving for me to match up when finished, as we do.

I think you can measure a sickness by the amount of over the counter drugs used to treat symptoms. I had to have Andrew drive me to the drug store last night to buy some sickenly cherry-flavored syrup for nausea, and some generic stomach meds to be safe. I have too much to get done and can't afford to spend the night curled up in the big papasan chair sitting very still, reading Stephen King until I fall asleep, as I did anyway.

Berta left me a whole box of new purple drinking glasses, matching the ones I have, with a note apologizing for breaking one. I don't care about broken dishes. It's just... expected over time. But I there must be more of a domestic side of me than I thought because I'm more excited than I want to admit over the idea of four new, matching glasses for the cupboard. I'm leaving them in the box to be prepacked for the move.

The Payless on Broadway ha gone out of business. Now where is anyone going to find size 13 women's shoes? Luckily I don't need size 13 shoes, but I like not being the largest size in the store.

The women's bathroom at work smells like bacon, and not the part people eat in either.

I am most definitely not not-sick again. The clinic left a message Monday both at home and at work about my lab results (and of course they never tell you what it is in a message) even though they already called a couple days after I went to the doctor to say I was normal. Either paperwork got reshuffled and I ended up back on the to-call pile, or they've found out what's wrong with me after all.

I was just shocked to see KFC advertising something as 'less than 8 grams of fat'. I thought low fat was passé these days. Carbs! Carbs all the way!

(There was also a disclaimer that it contained 100% of the RDA of sodium. Eat two and your head will explode!)

If Selina was around I'd tell her I have another leaky pickle.

I am most certainly overly amused by industrial sized cans of tuna.

I have an appointment to look at the apartment this evening after work. It seems silly since it's basically Andrew and Izzy's apartment minus furniture, but MsKitty will be there and she hasn't seen more than the living room (with furniture.)

The housing situation is looking quite promising, but I'm nervous until it goes through because it's not too late for the entire thing to fall apart.

I try not to post things from FFXI because I know they're only funny to other players, but this one was worth it. I'm teaching Murple, my secondary character, to be a feminist.

Antonio : anyone want to by them feet for 50k the real mans price send tell
>>Antonio : But Murple's not a man!
Antonio : anyone want to by them feet for 50k the real mans/womens price send tell

Either summer's too busy or I'm too far out of it when I didn't realize the Bite of Seattle is happening until I read about David not realizing it was happening until the day before. Since the weekend's already booked (Jeremy's birthday party and Andrew's game day) we snuck it in tonight, after work, for dinner.

Actually it's a good thing we didn't commit a day to the Bite. The overall impression was pathetic... fewer vendors, less selection, and not very vegetarian friendly. Maybe I'm spoiled by Folklife where I can eat Kenyan, but I'm not eating one of World Wraps' two choices when I can get the same and more from the Westlake food court. I had yam fries from a Polynesian place, and yam fries are yummy. Andrew won't pay five dollars for alligator on a stick but he'll buy Shishkaberries.

I stopped by the cash counter on my way out of work to chat a bit. Noticing the time I said, "I'd better get going. I have a date tonight."

Ed is starting to catch on to my lifestyle. After a second he asks, "Is this with your boyfriend or someone else's boyfriend?"

"Someone else's boyfriend."

"Oh, okay." And I leave at that.

Blogger's seems to be broken even worse this time. Out of nowhere the spellchecker disappeared in Mozilla. Checking the site in IE it looks like they redesigned yet again, adding new "features" that get in the way of updating my blog. The default posting form is now word processor WYSIWYG style, so on a test post it gave me an empty blockquote tag where I had pushed a button to see what it does and a   to force a double space. In new Blogger 'trying to be helpful by being difficult' I'd have to click on the 'edit HTML' button before typing each post, along with the individual posting and reloading mess.

I couldn't help thinking yesterday that it's been quite a while since I've had a Karla incident... Now I've got her throwing pens and stomping her feet all over again.

Karla walked off—to scout for orders, to go to the bathroom, something, whatever—and an order came in, so I took it. I heard something like "...my turn..." which caused me to look up and see Karla at Lou's desk, one over. When she walks back she says to me, "From now on you make sure I get half," and starts angrily typing the order that came into the special Karla-only bin immediately after.

A few minutes later she stomped at me as she walked by. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing at her, acting five years old.

I got a half a block ride back from lunch. The funny thing is the minute of walking it saved me got me back to work exactly on time.

Working with a dot matrix printer and five carbon sandwiched layers of paper that have to be rippped apart, I too often get little flecks of paper stuck to my shirt, wanting to be fake nipples.

Isn't it funny how so many people never eat the heels of a bread loaf, but won't throw them out until the rest of the bread is gone, as if under the right circumstances they might be convinced to eat them after all and better hold on just in case.

I suppose it also makes a buffer between the good bread and the outside world...

Yay spam! Super Viagra!

I picked the wrong time to come back from lunch. The office smells like something burning or melting and I'm getting a headache even with the windows open.

The Gallery of Regrettable Food has a new page now, More Fun With Coffee! Coffee Jello! The very idea asks for exclamation points!

There are certain people that looking at too closely will convince me never to step foot in the sun without a thick layer of sunscreen. How can people stay so addicted to tanning when it gives you reptile skin later in life?

I'm going to be begging for a hysterectomy by the time I'm thirty...

I've just figured I need to have all I may want right now, and have them cryogenetically frozen. Then I'm all done with my uterus for good, take it away. If/when I'm read for babies someday I have one thawed, and if not have them donated to a good cause.

I saw Colleen on break intently reading the Bible like it was a novel. I know she gives religious themed cards and gifts from the Christian book store, but I still really wanted to imagine her reading some good erotica hidden inside her book.

I had cramps in my dream too so I couldn't catch them right at the start, but they were how I imagine normal cramps to be. Three Advil, two Tylenol with Codeine, and then reset the alarm for twenty minutes. I'm trading future liver damage for functionality.

Just when I had dismissed the idea of fake morning sickness...

I was checking out some "carb smart" fruit bars on display in Bartells today, looked like a low-carb version of Nutragrain bars. I always have to look for the rare chance that taking out the sugar just means taking out the sugar and not replacing it with something worse. I read the ingredients twice to be sure, and to try to understand what all the chemicals were, and I couldn't find any blueberry in the blueberry filling.

My birthday at work has officially been moved to today. The couple of women who tend to make up the unofficial birthday committee got confused with the long weekend and thought it was today. I got some pretty blue candle holders, but Joanne forgot the candles that are supposed to go with it so I get that part tomorrow.

I'm officially lactose intolerant through the duration of this thing. If someone was to tell me this is a permenant condition, you might as well kill me now.

Even now I want to ignore the risk and drink right from the little quart carton in the fridge that's calling to me.

I had to move sushi to Thursday before the Grind since I was feeling too sick to risk it, but I still got a small gathering at Andrew's with cake. I do my best to spread my birthday out over time as it is. I bought my own cake mix over the weekend but Andrew made sure it magically turned into a cake while I was gone—rainbow speckle cake (with matching frosting.)

I had to ruin Selina's plans a little by being able to be tied up. She says she was going to put me in a rope dress she'd been practicing and blindfold me, then put my present on me. She gave me the moon phase bracelet I started drooling over at least a year ago. When it disappeared from Robert's store I gave up on it (don't know why I never just bought it before then.) Now it's mine!

When you get someone who fumbles putting the rubber tourniquet on your arm before drawing blood, it's time to start worrying. After the first stab he said to himself, "And of course I miss..." in such a way that implies he misses often. After the second try he gave up and went to find the doctor. Luckily the other phlebotomist came in instead and had luck with my other arm, despite threatening to go into my hands if necessary.

I got to spend my birthday at the doctor, since they were closed yesterday. Andrew picked me up from work and drove me to the walk-in clinic I know of. It was weird after a week of no one wanting to hear any kind of detail on my illness (except for Jason who comes right out and asks for numbers) to have to give explicit details to the doctor in ways I've never thought so in depth about.

An interesting thing, though I don't think this is the case, is that I could be suffering from fake morning sickness since I've been on the pill, which works by simulating pregnancy, for seven weeks straight.

I love summer because you don't have to worry about finding socks in the morning.

Wheee, more work drama. Always fun from a distance. Joanne and Lou were yelling at each other, which if fine by me since they both need to be taken down some in my opinion. Unfortunately Lou's valid point (Joanne's orders being impossible to read, scribbled all over the place) that applies to us as well got lost in his general pointlessness.

Karla was giving me major dirty looks for printing a 25 page thing and tying up the printer, at the end of a dead spell. Not thirty seconds after I start printing orders start coming in again. Wasn't it horrible of me to be able predict exactly when an order would come in after twenty minutes of nothing, and start printing right then?

Now Lou tells me to print out my credit holds before I go to lunch so he doesn't get slammed with them after I get back. Doesn't matter if I'm not capable of printing them (the point of a credit hold being that it can't be printed until Credit approves it), I'm just supposed to find a way. Right.