Izzy: So when are you getting a good ex-boyfriend?

Pro-lifers (I *hate* that term—it makes it sound like everyone else is pro-death. Believe it or not, pro-life and pro-choice are not even mutually exclusive.) are now targeting clinics with cameras, taking pictures of women as well as harassing them to be put on various web sites.

I didn't think of this until someone pointed it out on NWR, but someone walking into a place like Planned Parenthood isn't even necessarily going for an abortion. I've always gone to them for my yearly exams and birth control. So my picture could end up on christiangallery.com because I'm being good and getting a pap smear?

Now that I know my mom has read my site too, I won't try to scare her by posting things like:

Izzbot: I shall be over around 8:00-8:30
Izzbot: bearing rope

*innocent look* At least she knows I get my sense of humor from her.

Your Evil Spleen: You're so cute when you are being revolted. :)

I've been having major connection problems ("Tell Jason to stop downloading porn") so yesterday's postings are going to be late.

* I have a feeling this is one of those inside jokes Jon complains about on weblogs. Quite a while back I ran into the same Julie in Westlake and mentioned it to Gryphon later. He asks which Julie. After thinking for a second I ask, "Would it help if I said 'the Julie with purple hair'?" Both she and the Julie he was chasing at the time have purple hair.

I can see why Selina would need a diagram:

First there's the game store Cardhaus, which I know of only because Andrew and I were supposed to bring donuts to Jeremy there. Instead we picked him and a friend up and brought them to Krispy Kreme.

Then there was the University Street Fair where we ran into more people, which would only make this all the more complicated, and I bought the skirt that was too small. I offered the skirt for sale on NWR and got two responses—someone named Penny, and the Danielle I finally met with kitty ears. Penny was first, so when we were arranging somewhere to meet and trade money for skirt, she said she would be at Cardhaus because her friend Zannah's husband is part-owner. 'The Zannah?' I wondered? And so it was.

A couple people waved at me from the tables as I walked in the store. One must have been Friend of Jeremy, but if there were more I have no idea who the other(s) were. I met the Zannah but it was quick so I didn't get the chance to tell her that not liking toast is strange. Then I run into Julie on my way out. ("Would it help if I said the Julie with purple hair?"*)

Then I bought strawberries.

I loved having bi/tri-colored, but I wanted *red* again. I would've had *red* if I went with the brighter color I was looking at but instead I have a very dark plum. I've been getting compliments on my hair left and right today so I have to say I'm happy with it. Of course Andrew's going to think I did it just to fit in at Convergence.

Now that I no longer have to keep Izzy's birthday present a secret, I can show off this picture. I had the idea two months ago when I brought my Alice In Wonderland coloring book to work with my colored pencils to color in between typing. Two months gave me plenty of time to find out if it would work—which it did! I photocopied the picture onto watercolor paper, and watercolored it as a painting. I want to do the whole set now, about three quarters sized so they can be individually framed and displayed in a row.

If I don't wear any black for the next three days I can be packed for Montreal early. It's funny how much of a challenge this is for someone who used to *never* wear black.

Yay for three day weekends and late nights at the Vogue! I've gotten annoyed on holiday weekends because of all the people who are only out because it's a holiday, taking over "my" club on "my" night. Sunday nights have a much different feel than the Friday night fetish night. Last night there were *so* many people I knew out, many who I haven't seen in a long time. Normal, scared looking people walking through early in the night are amusing.

bikepoet: of course, it was at the girl's house that i had the crush on in 10th-12th grades.... and i apologized for not giving her as much attention as the computer
me: running into old crushes is always interesting
bikepoet: yeah, even more interesting when they say they're totally finished with their previous boyfriends
me: and even more when you ask them to tie you to the bed

Well... I guess my experience there tends to be a bit unique.

I was hearing about this story at work Friday as it was happening. Someone trying to scatter ashes over Safeco Field caused an anthrax scare.

Your Evil Spleen: Who doesn't like to do Canadians? I mean, really. It's half our industry up here, being done by Americans.

In the year and a half Andrew and I have been an official couple, he's never been able to learn my phone number. "Speed-dial 7," he says. Friday night we converted my number to an IP address as an experiment and now he remembers it!

The strange combinations of musical styles weren't as obvious at this year's Folklife, but the "Underground AfroCeltFlamenco FiddleRock" alone inspired me to make a Folklife Music Genre Generator. It'll give you a style then you make the music to match. (I'll put it together in the next couple days, probably coding while at work.)

He claims to have forgotten it's his birthday, but... Happy Birthday Izzy!

I should've had my Pikachu step counter on my yesterday. I can't even begin to guess how many steps we added up spending the day wandering the Folklife Festival, walking to/from Andrew's apartment, and immediately going to the Beborn Beton/Apoptygma Berzerk show. We were in much pain by the end of it all.

Beborn Beton and Apop both make me very happy. I don't know if I'm allowed to love the show, or supposed to be annoyed at Apop for taking so long to make it here, but I loved the show.

If I judge my progress by how much kleenix I go through in a day, I'm getting better!

Selina sent me one of those "getting to know you" emails where you answer a bunch of questions about yourself and email it to all your friends. I admit I actually like filling these out, at least thinking of interesting answers, but I never want to bother people by actually emailing them to anyone.

Anyway, she sent it to me and "the other" Rebecca.

41. Who is most likely to respond?
Rebecca

We're leaving for Montreal in a week! *bounce* *bounce* *bounce* I've been thinking non-stop about what to wear, what to pack... I've even excited about my transparent purple toothbrush holder.

Waiting for my bus home from work I was asked to sign for two initiatives to be put on the ballot. (I didn't pay close enough attention to what they were to mention by name.) While I was signing, he noticed my JavaScript book in my hands and started asking me questions about what I do, because they're looking for someone to make them a web site!

So who wants to go to Folklife with me Sunday and/or Monday?

Pikachu got a bath today.

Today's bareSquare gave me 80s flashbacks. I remember that earring-in-whichever-ear-means-he's-gay thing, though I never remembered which ear it was supposed to be. Of course I would have barely known what "gay" meant at that age. Sexuality in general was a pretty vague concept, mostly "when you're older" and "why would anyone want to do *that*?". My first reaction to hearing about oral sex was "I won't ever do that one."

At the risk of stealing a link from Zannah...

Lego me!

Is it me?

I've been thinking I should email Wil Wheaton and tell him I've got a psycho stalker who keeps posting under his name.

Speaking of passwords... Andrew left all of his FTP info saved in my FTP program. I could do something like.. oh.. upload an actual web site for him!

If you want to see if you're taking the *popular* (prescription) drugs...

I can't wait until this cold goes away so I can leave my house without stuffing my pockets full of kleenix.

"I want to be Canadian!" – Karla after hearing that we won't get getting any Canadian orders today since their branch is closed... again. They get too many holidays to not be sharing.

Andrew and I saw Peter Murphy at the Showbox last night. I wasn't sure about how the show would be without knowing more than a few of his songs, only that I like the ones I know, but as soon as the first song started I didn't have anything to worry about. I ended up in a perfect picture taking spot but decided again not to be burdened by my camera for the night. It's too bad because there were beautiful pictures to be taken.

Sunday isn't the best night for a show. The cold is making me tired too easily so I was wanting it to end sooner than it did. I had real energy when he was playing a song I know, but not enough to hold me through a whole night. But, this is one I'm glad I saw and I'll forget how sore my arms got leaning against the rail in a week. I will remember how adorable Andrew looks when he's hearing a song he likes. There's this *look* he gets that I love...

Most obvious headline of the day: Suicide Bomber Blows Himself Up

I bought a purple velvet skirt at the street fair yesterday without trying it on. Oops. I can either keep it around as an incentive to lose weight or try to get my money back selling it on E-bay.

Blogger Pro had a "security issue" over the weekend where it published people's passwords in the 'posted by' field (which I don't use—obviously everything is posted by me.)

Something interesting about passwords to write about came to me in a dream, but went *poof* without even the benefit of the fun sound effect. I do think that knowing each other's password is the real sign of trust for the 90/00s.

I have to learn to turn my alarm off over the weekend. My alarm was going off this morning when Andrew dropped me off on his way to work.

dilinger0000: man, i was so drunk last night..
Styrdyst: that's always the beginning of a good story

I saw someone wearing kitty ears on the bus home from Broadway. My territory is being invaded! *grr* *hiss*

Last night around 10-ish I was hearing non-stop sirens outside. Every five minutes or so I'd stop and listen and they'd still be going. Today I found out what was going on: Inferno on Lake Union. If I walked down to the lake last night (condos block my view from the window) I probably would have seen this. It seems people are homeless now that their live-in boats burned, but no one was injured.

I had a pretty good feeling that bikepoet was going to end up describing the science behind a cold.

Salon.com has a synopsis of the last two years of the X-Files that goes like:

Agent John Doggett (in a gravelly voice): "My job is to find Mulder. And I intend to do it. I may seem gruff and antagonistic now, but you'll learn to like me because I'm a stand-up guy."

Scully: "I'm going to have a baby! But how is that possible?"

Deputy Director Kersh: "I'm the new ominous black guy."

I'll admit, I didn't actually read the article except for that part. Feel free not to read all three pages either.

I let myself be bad today. I temporarily unbanned myself from playing Civ on my laptop at work. Being sick has been making it almost impossible to concentrate on reading JavaScript, and playing Civ really makes the time pass well.

"God bless America, they have self-serve butter." – Overheard at the Cinerama, Star Wars opening day.

Thoughts while under the influence of Nyquil: (Andrew already got to hear all of this as I was falling asleep.)

The thing I've never understood about having a cold is how your nose can be stuffed up and running at the same time. It sounds like a punishment from the gods. Nothing as severe as having your liver eaten out each day by a bird, more of a punishment for minor sins. "I curse you to a nose that both drips and clogs... at the same time!" *evil laughter*

I got my first Viagra spam! Now I can "get hard and stay hard" too.

Work-Doug was complaining about going on vacation but not wanting to travel alone. "Maybe I could rent a girlfriend."

I had to ask Andrew to see if other people make sure to pick out what underwear to wear to the doctor too.

I had a dermatologist appointment today for rosacea and infected cysts on my leg—which turned out to be part of the rosacea. I never saw that one coming. (I'm surprised no one's ever mentioned the spots inside my leg since they've been there longer than I've lived in Seattle. If I was with someone who had something looking bad in that part of their body I'd be asking a million questions. "What is that from? Is that all? Are you sure? *Are you sure*? "ARE YOU SURE?" But if people really don't notice that my nose is red, I guess they wouldn't notice that either.)

Since it was my first dermatologist visit, I got a full skin check. The doctor told me I have perfect skin for someone who sunburned yearly as a kid. Yeah, moving to Seattle was just a cover for my lack of tanning ability.

"There are small kids on Broadway. I've never seen that before." – Andrew

Finding out Scott's been reading my site is much like the stories I've read in the 'Ever been caught [having sex]?' topic on the Seagoth message board.

"So... how long have you been standing there watching?"
"About fifteen minutes."

I'm trying out reverse-chronological order again. Please keep answering the poll with your preference.

If I'm reading the mini-blog right, Scott is reading this site. If that's the case then, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Everyone knows that you're not supposed to put anything on the web that you care who reads, but everyone also knows that "parents" and "everyone else" are entirely different categories. Everything's going to go through a "would I want my mom & Scott to read that?" filter.

I considered, for all of about a second, posting explicit enough to scare him off but I already know who would win a TMI contest. This is the man who would tell me, "No we're not going to have sex. We already did that today." when he and my mom went to take a nap, spell out 'PMS' with his arms YMCA style when I was laying on the couch with cramps, and tell me I have a lot common in my mom when I say I "like rope".

Or, I guess I could assume he's been reading all along and keep posting as normal?

*bounce* I got a raise! *bounce*

I spend so much time with people who are bigger freaks than me, I forget how many unusual labels can be attached to me.

I wonder if all this BDSM talk will get me ratings! Time to break out that "make happy-clicker profitable" spam.

For the record, my preferred acronym has always been the combo-acronym BDSM (bondage & discipline/dominance & submission/sado-masochism) It covers a wide range of interests, including the ones I'm into, while I don't feel I need to immediately start clarifying, "Well I'm into the "B" but not the "D/S"..."

"S&M" gives most people images that would need to be immediately clarified. (A vinyl and stiletto-heeled dominatrix whipping a submissive business man who pays to be humiliated after work is my stereotype image.) Besides, I really like the "B".

The other big misconception is just plain "liking pain". The english language really needs a separate word that means "good pain" or regular people will never understand. Anyone who has ever scratched a mosquito bite until it hurts but couldn't stop scratching has experienced "good pain", but that's a bad example because I'd prefer to just not have the mosquito bite, and mosquitoes don't honor safewords.

Following today's theme perfectly: I was out in the cash counter looking at Shiny Things (someone was buying copper from a roll.) Ted was wrapping the copper roll in some clear "stuff" that I'm sure is the same thing that is repackaged and sold as "bondage tape". I told him about it and he sneaked me my own roll of tape to take home and try out!

For some reason or another today, Paul asked me "so where are the whips and chains?"

I answered, "at home," of course. I really have to learn to stop answering these questions so honestly. "Well I don't have any chains..." He's spent most of the day trying to figure out how serious I am.

I expect I'll be spending the next month explaining the difference between pain and "good pain".

Some people have no concept of their own rudeness. (See work rant.) Putting an order in the bin next to my head and tapping on it loudly, "*tap*tap*tap* I woke you up didn't I!?" while I'm staring at you the whole time is extremely rude. Doing it again and laughing to yourself, "I woke her up twice!" is more than doubly so and will get strong glares in your direction. I'm too harmless to do anything else but I'll glare a hole through your head. As long as you're not looking, that is.

This one is more political so I put it on bareSquare so as not to interrupt the regularly scheduled randomness. Thoughts while walking back from lunch...

Kylldoran oh, I should probably click "About", eh?
Styrdyst you're talking canadian again
Kylldoran yeah :)
Kylldoran it's stanley cup season ;p

I read in the paper over lunch about construction being stopped somewhere in California due to finding a dead garter snake, an endangered species. So since when are garter snakes endangered? I thought those were the harmless little snakes you'd find in your yard as a kid. Because they'd be in the yard, I thought they were "garden snakes" as a kid—or is there a different snake called a "garden snake"?

At the end of the month I'm following Andrew to Montreal for Convergence. When he first said, "If I bring you to Convergence with me..." last year, I was never expecting it to work out. I can't afford real vacations, and I've never been on a real trip with a boyfriend, or even on a real trip since I traveled with or between my parents, and besides, what would *I* do at a goth convention? In January I figured out if I started saving then, I could afford the trip. And if I really pull this off, I'll have $500 just to spend on food and shopping. So "following Andrew" isn't going to mean I'm running behind the plane all the way to Montreal.

When I emailed my dad that I'm going to Montreal he asked if I'm stopping by for a visit. "It's only a couple hours away." Nevermind the length of a weekend, the only reason I'd go back to Maine is to see my cat. So, I decided, my dad just needs to bring Einstein to Montreal. He's a black cat so he'd fit right in.

Of course I didn't tell this idea to my dad. His lack of a sense of humor means there's better chance of explaining to my mom what goes on at a 'goth convention' than my dad knowing a joke when he sees it.

Happy-clicker started out with posts in reverse-chronological order, typical 'blog style, new posts are always on top. I changed to chronological order so posts would make sense in order when I referenced previous posts. The disadvantage with this setup is new posts can be missed since they show up at the bottom of the day, and I lose spontaneity trying to update all at once each day.

After I saw Andrew reading in reverse anyway, I've considered switching back. Which do you prefer? Please respond in the comment box if you read my site at all, even if I've already started changing things around. I check comments as long as they are on the front page.

I just watched someone at work try to punch out with their Safeway card.

I finally got to take the Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality test. (The test had been down at least a week after I found it.) It says I'm "mostly straight" but it doesn't take into account my general lack of experience. I was also confused by the use of the phrase "in love with" constantly, for example (true/false) "I am currently in love with both men and women." I'm going to retake the test replacing "in love with" with "have interest in a specific person".

Or maybe I'm just whining because I can't be a Trendy Bi-Girl^TM

I wish I had a link for this but it came through email. Danielle is having a fundraiser with HOT, (MOSTLY) NAKED, OILED, MEN TWISTER!

I want to post "Two-headed Squirrel Rampages Seattle" but I'm the only Zack McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders fan I know.

It seems CDs with the new copy protection may not only not play in computers, but certain ones will even damage iMacs. I don't even own a CD player other than my computer so I would *not* be happy to find a CD that wouldn't play in it, let alone damage my computer. Baaaad music companies.

I was going to say It's a good thing I don't like Celine Deon, but the known list of bad CDs included VNV's Genesis I single.

This protected by Cactus in Germany and the UK, and probably elsewhere as well, as it was done with the approval of the artists (who since have apologized for their mistake – see www.dependent.de). The UK version of Genesis.1 is certainly protected (2 reports), but it appears that Genesis.2 is not. Success?

I must own Genesis II because it's played for me. If the first CD I went out of my way to *buy* from the band didn't play for me, baaaad band!

The Surrealist Compliment Generator is just asking to be combined with the Anonymous Message Server.

Ceci n'est pas un compliment.

"I'm not a delusion. I'm a hallucination. Delusions don't do dishes." – Jason

One of the more talkative bus people was reading over my arm as I was reading the "dealing with the law" section of Etiquette for Outlaws. I can only imagine what impression that gave him of me.

bikepoet: you have a weird way of getting your tuna: "open a cat"

(typo fixed)

Selina suggested I try nipple enlargers for my elbows that are too small for size small elbow pads. "I doubt they'd work but it would be funny to see you try."

It's Mother's Day and I didn't even get a call from my cat... I suppose I can forgive him for not knowing how to use the phone, and my dad probably doesn't understand kitty-mommy-ness.

I don't eat tuna much anymore because it doesn't feel right to open a can without a cat or four at my feet.

I had strange eating habits as a kid, which came out the most when I ate out. No need to point out that I still do—I was worse.

The Chuck-e-Cheese ritual
It's a known fact that I don't like tomatoes or tomato-based products. I'm having to clarify lately that I will eat pizza if it's light on the sauce. This is learned behavior—I was worse when I was young. To eat a piece of pizza:
1. Pick off the pepperoni and eat it. It was always pepperoni pizza. I don't think I acknowledged that there were other kinds.
2. Pick off any bits of cheese that look like they won't be contaminated by sauce and eat them. It's too bad the cheese has to touch the sauce because it's the best part.
3. Scrape off the entire cheese/sauce mess, and eat the crust like anyone else would eat a piece of pizza.

The MacDonalds ritual
The last I remember actually liking MacDonalds food, I had to have been very very very young. I would only eat *plain* hamburgers, and if I still ate them it would be the same way. My dad didn't like special ordering food for me, so that probably ended when my parents divorced.

The Taco Bell ritual
My dad really likes Taco Bell, so I ate a lot of fast food tacos growing up. I didn't like lettuce at that age, so the way to eat a Taco Bell taco was:
1. Pick off the cheese and put in a small pile. Make sure to save every strand of cheese because it's the best part and they never give you enough.
2. Push off the lettuce.
3. Put the cheese back on and eat.

The Subway ritual
My mom introduced me to Subway, which must have been invented for picky eaters. I would order turkey sandwiches with just turkey and cheese. Really that's all, I would always have to say.

The Wendy's ritual
Wendy's used to have salad bars which were also invented for picky eaters. I miss the salad bar. My salads would be made of everything under the sun, minus the lettuce, covered with blue cheese dressing. I still like the taste of cottage cheese under blue cheese dressing.

The Arby's ritual
I also didn't like hamburger buns, which led to the misconception that I don't like bread. I love good bread, the kind you're supposed to eat by itself, not the kind that's supposed to support a sandwich. To eat an Arby's roast beef sandwich:
1. Take off the top bun.
2. Eat the roast beef with your fingers.
3. Optionally, put the top bun back on.

The Mexican restaurant ritual
I haven't gotten over this one. I still like dipping my tortilla chips in the water glass. (Remember I don't like salsa.) No one believes me but it really does taste better that way.

Another Bad Thing came out in a news story a while back. A woman had been kidnapped by her boyfriend, a truck driver who wouldn't let her leave and beat her. The picture of her face in the story was absolutely awful.

Now the story has been changed, and most of the charges are being dropped.

I believe there is something seriously wrong with this year, with the amount of people sickness and animal deaths. It's Year of the Horse—my year even. My mom has lost two cats. My mom has lost two of four cats within a month. Kris's Beautiful Black Cat, Kallisti, died very recently. Just a week before I had been thinking I should show her this perfect picture of him I caught once a couple years ago. I don't know if it's the right time now.

Last night we got Krispy Kreme and drove to Craig and Susan's ranch to comfort them about the loss of their bird. I've said it before, but the Bad Things can stop now...

I picked up padding last night so I could try my rollerblades out today. I got to actually try out the pads after I was done, and fell out of my chair taking the rollerblades off.

Happy birthday Michael, the anonymous poster. Your secret is out!

Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

This article was posted on NWR. Half-way through reading I thought, "Wow, this really sounds like some of my ex'es," then I looked up and saw it was posted by Jake.

If anyone's not tired of September 11th stuff by now, there is a page of pictures taken by someone who lived close enough to see the view from his window. It's good photography and tells the story well.

I finally got to experience the infamous Chang's Mongolian Grill last night at Shannon's birthday dinner. It was fun getting to see both of my girlfriends and boyfriend at once.

It doesn't seem like I'll ever make it to closing at the Vogue unless there's a holiday. On work nights we have to leave at midnight and on Fridays I'm ready to collapse by midnight.

Someone needs to slap my hand. I got a credit card offer in the mail, which I always rip in half and throw in the recycling bin. This one was hard to rip because of some stickers inside, which were to pick your card design. One design was a very pretty sun & moon picture. I went online and applied for the credit card...

Reading the book Cunt is giving me some crazy ideas.

I want to take self-defense classes. (not so crazy) The book emphasizes the plural, classes. (Home Alive is putting on a sliding-scale self defense class, but it's on the same day as the Folklife Festival, the Apoptygma Berzerk/Beborn Beton show, and a bellydancing show at Folklife.) I read on NWR that going to a class where you actually practice the moves on those big padded men is very important so your body learns as well as your mind. There's a lot of mental blocks to break through to actually use your body for in self defense.

I want to buy myself a birthday cake even though my birthday might be five months away, because it's in the Womanifesto for the Categorical New Freedom Lady.

I want to try out sea sponges as an alternative to tampons, break away from reliance on commercial products, at least when I'm at home and new to the idea.

I want to go off the Pill. I've been taking it since I was 17, almost 7 years now, for really really really really bad cramps. Here, let me quote from the book. It's the first time I've seen someone describe *my* experience—not just missing school, not just spending the day in bed with pain killers, but—

"My period was not only a 'curse' but for the first years of bleeding, I was completely incapacitated with mind-numbing spasms of pain. For at least one day out of every month, I didn't go to school or work. I lay in bed and cried, unable to do anything about the agony of my uterus. Frequently, because of this 'imagined' pain, I fainted and puked.

"I find it fascinating that men's descriptions of the pain enkindled by a knee to the groin sounds awfully similar to what I have experienced for up to thirty-six unflagging hours. And yet, imagine the hue and cry if men were informed that the horrifying symptom of pain accompanying a swift kick in the nuts was purely psychosomatic."

So I've had artificial hormones controlling my body for the last 7 years now. I don't know what they might be helping, hurting, repressing... It's time to find out, at least after my next trip to Planned Parenthood. And not without backup drugs (good painkillers) just in case.

The real Crazy Idea, I want to start a feminist book club. It's great to have this little web site where I can write about whatever pops into my mind and a few people are guaranteed to read it, but I want to read books like Cunt, The Vagina Monologues, Nine Parts of Desire: the Hidden World of Islamic Women, and discuss them with other women.

I've gotten some questions on my choice of wording, "Is it just for feminists?" I know the word feminist has a bad reputation but I use it for what it should mean and I consider myself a feminist. I consider books like this to be feminist. (Maybe "gender studies book club" would be more politically correct? I'm not going to limit like that.) I consider a group of women, and maybe a few like-minded men, who read books like this and discuss them with me to be a Feminist Book Club.

I'm collecting interest at the moment. For the record, I have nothing against boys joining and would like a few for perspective, but there's still the fact that you can't discuss your experiences as a women without, well, having experiences as a women.

I have a narcoleptic laptop.

I'm reading the book Cunt and still leaving it sitting out on my desk while at work, still watching reactions it gets. The title is small, polite, white over a pink gerbia daisy, on a yellow background, but once noticed it stands up on a chair and yells at you, "This is a book titled CUNT!"

At the same time I'm observing my relationship with the word. I never like it, the most harsh sounding of insulting words, and female-only insults leave a bad taste in my mouth. In the introduction to The Vagina Monologues I leaned that the word cunt came from the goddess Kunti. It gave me a new appreciation.

Appreciation, but not liking. All the reclaiming and girl power can't change the harshness of the word, the hard 'c' and the grunty 'unt'. To be fair, I've never cared for the word 'cock' either. They both have their place, in bad porn for example, but not between my legs. It's very hard to find a good sexual language. I'm looking for words that aren't too vulgar, too funny, or too clinical. I don't think I'm going to find them in American culture.

By the time I'm through this book though, the word should no longer stand out. When you say a word enough times it loses its power, for good or bad. Cuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcunt

I've picked up an editor, at least until he gets tired of the job. Andrew should be helping me curb, my recent, excessive, use of, commas.

Today is also Chococat's birthday according to my free little Sanrio date book.

I've declared that from now on Shannon and Sharon will both be known as "Sharnon," so I will always have their names half right.

Happy Birthday, Sharnon!

I must yell at Pete because he came to Seattle without telling me. Bad Pete!

I want to be a glow in the dark stari.

Paul game me the list 50 Rules for Women to read, and to show Andrew to give him ideas. My selected comments...

>This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
I'm lucky in this one because Andrew and I both want the toilet lid put down. My mom calls this an "equal opportunity household" because everyone has to lift something. I've always had the opinion that you can do whatever you want in your own home, but to go into a female household and leave the toilet seat up is just rude.

> 2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
Okay, I won't cut mine if you don't cut yours.

> 4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
This was the question that Paul showed me the list for, after I invited him to comment on my boots. The thing is, he actually thinks I care that he doesn't like my shoes. Really, he just amuses me.

> 7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
If I *ever* had a guy say this to me, I'd drop him in an instant. My cat has been in my life long before you, and he'll be in my life long after you. This line alone could start a flame war on NWR over someone who could be so disrespectful to an animal, and with good reason.

> 8. Dogs are better than cats.
Go away.

> 9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
With the boys I know, it's more like: Sunday = Gaming. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

> 12. You have enough clothes.
Never!

> 13. You have too many shoes.
Go away.

> 15. Your brother is an idiot.
If I had a brother, I might agree.

> 22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
Nothing says 'I love you' like a good foot rub. ;) Can I hint or what?

> 16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
Oops.

> 23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Strange thing is, it's always been the boys I've dated taking me to foreign films. Yes you get extra points for going to see that girl/foreign film with me.

> 24. Check your oil.
I have olive and canola.

> 27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
This isn't taking into account the bad body image of most women. It's a sad fact that a lot of us think we're fat even if we're a size 2. That's why there are eating disorders.

I know reassuring once in a while takes so much trouble for you, but that's how Gryphon got me to consider my hips a good thing and start finding them attractive. With another few years or so, I might be able to start accepting my thighs, stomach, ... what's with people telling me I have a "cute ass" lately?

> 28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
I was thinking I feel lucky to not know guys with that problem, but then I realized that's because if they do, they *clean up after themselves*. What a concept. Even as a girl, you sometimes drip while standing up, but you don't just leave a pee drop on the toilet seat.

> Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
I say, you can ogle all you want, as long as I can too.

> 35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
I'll agree with that, but the mere fact that I have breasts doesn't give anyone the right to harass me. Icky street men, take note.

> 36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.

Something I forgot to mention about the LAN party—there was a cat (really? a cat?) who was the twin of Einstein, my baby-cat in Maine. The cat hair on my clothes reminded me of the average-sized solidly built black cat with a squeaky voice and white belly-spot.

Random thought of the day: I wonder if I can finish a war in two days.

I've had this Civ game at work going on for weeks now. I technically won weeks ago as well, a cultural victory, but I wasn't ready to stop playing and eventually wanted to see if I could conquer the world. The game has become tedious and has about the same excitement as doing sorting at work, but I can't put weeks into this game without achieving my goal. Two civs left to destroy.

Michael: next week i'll send you the pic of me in a miniskirt and see if you want to be my lesbian lover.

Selina: I was having a stari kind of day. I cut myself on non-sharp objects three times in about 20 minutes

Leaving the book Cunt sitting out while at work gets some interesting reactions that don't compare to Izzy and Andrew both asking "What's it about?"

Andrew downloaded some Violent Femmes MP3s on my computer, and now while I'm listening to them I feel cheated. An online friend when I lived in Maine was going to send me tapes but never did. I remember him saying he didn't know how my dad would react to their music, but I told him my dad really didn't pay attention to, or care what I listened to. Of course there are a lot of tapes that never got made, to or from me, but I could have known this band years ago.

I typed an order from Robert Smith, though the Robert Smith probably doesn't live in Renton. I had to start thinking of people with common famous names. I imagine there has to be at least a few Bill Gates out there, and think about the trouble they have ordering a pizza.

"Name?"
"Bill Gates"
"Yeah right" <hangs up>

I'm going to dress for spring and the weather had just better follow.

It's on E-bay so it's limited time to see—Raging Hormone Menopausal Prozac Barbie

The Existential Flame War outdoes the conversation I had with Pete.

I've ran across a puzzle game more addictive than Bejeweled—Collapse. I feel like I'm living up to the name happy-clicker playing this game.

Play at the risk of being a major time-suck, and not doing other important things such as sleeping and updating blogs.

Styrdyst it's going to be the new big thing... fans, glowsticks, socks!
Kylldoran uh, riiiight...

I had a dream about a sock dancing contest which took place in my living room. Three people competed to see who could dance the best using a sock as an accessory.

It's time for another episode of ... Five Days of Updating at Once! If you've read recently, make sure to reread last Friday. I was trying out future posting, but since Blogger Pro is still quirky, only one showed up.

I just had the urge to shave my entire body again.

I am going to have to buy the book Etiquette For Outlaws.

It's a bad sign for a Monday morning when my hands start hurting right after I get to work. They just know...

I am getting major girlfriend points by joining Andrew at a LAN party and enjoying it. I'm going to have to update my definition of "a bunch of geek boys who bring their computers over and try to kill each other," because it's giving people the impression that I don't participate. "A bunch of geek boys and occasional girl..."? This time I wasn't the only girl, or the only new player. Yay!

May is National Masturbation Month. I hope you are all enjoying :)

I picked up a flier at Toys in Babeland for the 4th annual Masturbate-a-Thon, which raises money for the Federation of Feminist Women's Health Clinics. I picked up the flier for good posting material, but the more I look at it I think I would consider going for it, if I wasn't so bad at the fundraising/sponsor-gathering part of these things. This is hardly the kind of thing I could hang up at work.

As strange as it sounds, one of the best gifts Jake ever gave me was the ability to be sexually self-sufficient without him, loaning me the book Sex For One to get me started, and then buying my first vibrator for my birthday.

I talked to Eric, my friend from Indiana tonight for four hours -- pretty typical timewise too. The first time he ever called me we talked for six hours, and only stopped because he had to go to work. A couple hours beforehand, I already had a pretty good idea that we'd still be on the phone when Andrew showed up after work.

Sometime after we met, nearly 10 years ago, Eric became heavily into Christianity. While religion, especially male-centric oppressive religion, isn't my thing, I have to respect his beliefs. Plus there's the little quirks he hasn't managed to lose that make me love him. There were two things about myself I was debating telling him. He already worries about me and his other friends who aren't "saved" as it is.

I told him I'm pagan ("pagan with a small 'p'" as I like to put it.) He accepted that, though I'm sure he's praying extra hard for me now. I also asked him, "What would you say if I told you I liked girls?"

"I'd ask for pictures."

I guess guy nature overrules all!

The hardest part to explain though is the how/why. I blatantly ripped off the idea of being attracted to people rather than genders. I first heard it put into words by a girl who's bra is still stored in a Pokemon box in my room. (And just what do you *do* with a bra that's obviously not missed by its owner after more than a year?) He told me he could look at a man, and understand why a woman would find that attractive, but that doesn't mean he'd be sexually attracted to the person. So why would I be? I dunno... girls look fun?

I've noticed I seem to be a lot more girl-oriented lately as well. I think it's because I already have a boyfriend, and with the other boys who've been in my life quite a while now, I can pretty much have my fill of boy-ness. At the same time, girls are new and exciting and make me giddy like a teenager.

My high school stereotype is Outsider. Pretty accurate for me high-school, yes.

They didn't have my proper answer for The school requires everyone to take a computer course. I... Mine was really to decide there wasn't anything they taught that I couldn't learn on my own, refuse to take something stupid like "Keyboarding" - I learned to type in 6th grade - and was told I could take a computer proficiency test instead. I was making web pages, and they wanted me to prove I could use a mouse and turn on the computer. I never did get around to taking it.

I don't like to put pictures right on the front page here. It might be a habit I picked up from posting to someone else's weblog, but it certainly keeps is cleaner. So I link directly to the results of those millions of little quizes out there, instead of posting the image like pretty much every livejournal I've seen. I thought about making a separate page of all my results, but that would be obnoxious, like someone's personal web page of "look at all the web rings I belong to."

(I'm just maybe a little bit web-elitist?)

I've been exercising recently (but not very recently - just been walking a lot and eating bad food) and I just noticed the ever-so-slightest bit of muscle tone in my arms. One of these days I'll be able to get up on the stage at the Vogue without a running start.

bikepoet: yep, i lost my flyginity

I almost invited a cat inside, which I'm sure it bad considering both my roommate's allergy, and the cat's owners.

My body must have a soy sauce deficiency. What other reason could explain why I must eat it on potatoes?

It's time to start looking for a new job. My right hand and arm were in incredible pain today, both in general, and sharp pain going through my hand and up my arm. And I have to type... and type more.. and type... This is also the first time my home computer has bothered me, since usually it doesn't have any effect on sore hands since the motions are different. I'm trying not to use my right hand, which is hard being right-dominated.

Make yesterday's count 18,500 steps.

17,000 steps today.

I don't care what you feel about coffee - Iced Latte *is* the taste of summer in seattle. The warmer weather must be why I'm craving them so often, and I don't consider myself a coffee drinker.

Today is free cone night at Baskin Robbins (6 to 10pm). I think they're ripping off Ben & Jerry's, but free ice cream is free ice cream.

(I realize that I'm posting these notices too late to do any good, but at least it'll look good in the archives!)